


home for christmas

by cherrysalad



Category: Bandom
Genre: Christmas Morning, Forgiveness, Holidays, M/M, Reconciliation, Reunions, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrysalad/pseuds/cherrysalad
Summary: Ryan's been running from his problems. Jon decides it's time for him to come home.





	home for christmas

Ryan's apartment is cold, no matter how many blankets he piles on it doesn't seem to help. He supposes that considering how little his rent is he should shut his mouth and quit complaining (he knows that's what his father would say, at least). 

When he wakes up on Christmas Eve morning his lips are numb and his fingers are painfully stiff, his teeth chattering is the only sound in his dark apartment. Ryan turns on his shitty little ten dollar flip phone and sees that it's five thirty, which means he has half an hour until his shift at the diner.

The diner is filthy and greasy and most of Ryan's coworkers are unbearable, but it's warm and it's something to do. Ryan gets up, still draped in the blanket and busies himself getting ready for work. He gets dressed, eats a bowl of stale cereal, throws on his coat and is out the door in no time flat. He doesn't have a car, (in fact the only reason he's in this shitty town is because his car broke down) so he has to walk.

Outside the cold is even worse and snow is coming down hard. Ryan walks with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his face turned towards the ground to avoid the harsh wind. After the walk, the diner looks like paradise and when he opens the door and gets hit in the face with warm air he thinks he might collapse in relief. The greasy diner food even smells good to him.

When he steps inside, he sees Z Berg setting tables. She's the only one of his coworkers who Ryan actually likes she's clever and funny and to top it off has an excellent taste in music. Ryan has absolutely no idea why a girl like her is living in a town like Waitsfield, Idaho.

"Hi Ryan!" She says brightly. 

"Hey," Ryan says, much less cheerfully. Madonna's whiny rendition of Santa Baby is playing on the radio, reminding Ryan that it's Christmas Eve and he sighs, hanging his coat up on the hook by the door. He helps Z set tables. 

"Are you going home for Christmas?" Z asks, and hurries to correct herself before he can answer. "If you celebrate it, that is." 

"No," Ryan says. Certainly he doesn't miss the cold, lonely Christmases with his father, but thinking of spending Christmas with the band and Spencer's family makes his chest ache a little. Especially when he thinks of Brendon and his ugly reindeer sweater and dorky love for Christmas music. 

"Yeah," Z sighs. "Me neither." 

"Don't your parents live around here?" Ryan asks. Z laughs bitterly. 

"Yeah," she says. "We're not really on speaking terms at the moment." Ryan nods in understanding.

"I've been there," he says.

"What are your plans for the holidays, then?" She asks. Ryan chews the inside of his mouth for a minute. 

"Honestly? I was planning on going home and getting wasted by myself," Ryan says. Z giggles. When they're done setting the tables Ryan flips the closed/open sign over and it doesn't take long before customers start trickling in. 

Ryan's busy enough that he doesn't notice when someone familiar steps into the diner. He doesn't notice when the person is talking to Z and he doesn't notice when they sit down at a booth. He doesn't notice anything until Z comes over to him, gently taps his shoulder and says,

"Someone's looking for you," she points to the booth where he's sitting. Jon Walker grins and waves at him, Ryan stares, unsure if it's really his friend sitting there for a moment before breaking into a matching grin. 

"Do you mind if I...?" He asks Z waves him off.

"Go talk to him," she says. Ryan nods, walks over to Jon and slides into the booth across from him.

"Ryan Ross," he says in greeting.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asks.

"I came to drive you home," Jon says. Ryan sighs. 

"This is home," he says. 

"No," Jon shakes his head. "It's not, we both know that.

"I can't go back, Jon," he says. "Not after the way things ended with Jac and Brendon and the band..."

"You need to relax," Jon says. "Brendon forgives you, y'know. He just wants to talk." 

"Jon I can't..." 

"Are you happy here, Ryan?" Ryan is silent. "Come home." Jon pleads.

"Okay," Ryan says quietly. "Okay. Fine. I can't leave until the end of my shift, so you'll have to wait." Jon grins.

"Gladly," he says. Jon orders a cup of coffee and waits patiently in the booth. Ryan doesn't let himself think for the rest of the shift, just focuses on taking orders and wiping down tables. He knows if he considers it for a second he'll end up giving himself an anxiety attack. His shift ends at noon. He and Z get off at the same time, before he can go to Jon she asks him,

"Who is that?" She asks, looking over at where he's sitting, reading a thumbed over paperback. 

"An old friend," Ryan answers.

"What did he want?" 

"He wanted me to come home," then, before he can think. "Tell Mandy I'm not coming in tomorrow. Or ever again." She nods and Ryan walks over to Jon's booth. 

"Ready?" Jon asks him, smiling. "We've got a long drive ahead of us." It was a long drive from Waitsfield to Vegas, about ten hours. 

"Lets go before I change my mind," Ryan mutters. Jon stands up and the leave the diner, the bell on the door jingling behind them as they close it. Ryan spots Jon's car in the parking lot, it's the same one he's had since they were in high school. When Ryan slides into the passenger's seat he's overcome with the familiar smell. Weed and fast food poorly disguised by pine scented air freshener. 

They make a stop at Ryan's apartment to pack his stuff, which doesn't take long because all he has are some clothing and his guitar (also, a futon and a hot plate but he leaves them behind). After he's put all his shit in the back of Jon's car and there on the road for real it doesn't take long for Ryan to drift to sleep, the car is warm and Jon's playing some kind of soft, sleepy indie music on the radio. It's the best sleep he's had in months, dark, deep and dreamless. 

…

Ryan wakes hours later, slightly disoriented. Outside the sky is dusky, they're parked in front of a Burger King.

"Hey, dude. You tired, huh?" He hands him a bag that smells of fried food. Ryan's mouth waters. "I just got your usual. Hope that's alright." Jon says. Ryan yawns and nods. He devours his burger and fries within minutes, it's the best thing he's ever tasted. 

"Thanks for the food," Ryan says, wiping his greasy hands on paper napkins. Jon laughs.

"No problem," he says. There's a beat of silence.

"Does Brendon really forgive me?" Ryan asks. The questions been nagging at him ever since Jon told him.

"You know how Brendon is," Jon says. "He's like a puppy, loyal to a fault and kind of naive sometimes." 

"Yeah, but he was so angry. He told me he never wanted to see me again." Ryan points out.

"People say a lot of things they don't mean. He loves you Ryan, all he wants is for you to love him back, and when you wouldn't break up with Jac.... and then you got in that terrible fight..." Jon pauses and takes a deep breath. "Brendon's hurt, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still love you." 

"And I love him," Ryan says forcefully. 

"I know," Jon says. "Everyone but Brendon knows." 

"Shit is just... it's complicated." Ryan says.

"No," Jon says calmly. "No it's not. You're just scared, and frankly I'm not sure of what. You're twenty one years old, your dad doesn't have control of you anymore." Ryan stares at Jon. Anger boils in his stomach, but before it can spill out his mouth he realizes how right Jon is and shuts up.

"You're..right," he admits. "I'm sorry." 

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." Jon says as they pull out of the Burger King parking lot. 

…

Ryan offers to drive at one point, but Jon refuses, saying he looks tired. Jon is right, Ryan is tired. He's slept miserably ever since he moved and something about being back in Jon's familiar car makes it easy. He drifts in and out of sleep all night, vaguely noticing that it's snowing out, white snow flakes floating past his vision to the ground, glowing in the beam of the headlight.

There's Christmas music on the radio now, Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you." Ryan smiles to himself.

It's midnight when he wakes up for real, Jon is shaking his shoulder. He opens his eyes and blinks the bleariness out.

"We're here," Jon says.

"Really?" Ryan asks, suddenly wide awake. He looks out the car window and sees the tiny, shitty house that Jon rents. It's strung with Christmas lights. Ryan grabs his guitar and Jon takes his suitcase of clothing and they trudge across the snowy front lawn. When they step inside the living room Ryan's heart stops. 

Brendon and Spencer are sitting on the sofa, watching television. Their heads both turn abruptly when the door opens. Ryan suddenly feels glaringly out of place, he stared wide eyed at the two men on the couch. Spencer stands up and approaches Ryan, pulling him into a hug. Ryan is so shocked that he just stands there, stiffly for a minute before putting his arms around his friend. 

Spencer was angry at him after the break up, maybe even angrier than Brendon. Ryan is kind of surprised that Spencer's forgiven him. They haven't even spoken since Ryan left.

When Spencer releases him from the hug, Ryan looks at Brendon who's standing up and staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. Ryan assumes that's pretty much what he looks like too.

"Hey," he says tentatively. 

"Hi," Brendon says. Ryan takes a cautious step towards him at the same time as Brendon and they both smile faintly before quickening their pace and meeting in a bone-crushing hug. Ryan buries hjis face in the crook of Brendon's neck.

"I'm so sorry," Ryan says. "I'm so, so sorry." Brendon is silent. "I love you." Ryan says. 

"I love you too," he returns without hesitation. "I missed you. And I worried about you." 

"I didn't think you ever wanted to see me again," Ryan says. 

"I shouldn't have said that," Brendon says. "It wasn't true."

"I deserved it," Ryan says forcefully. They're carrying on this conversation still holding each other, unwilling to let go. 

"Maybe a little," Brendon says. "I forgive you, though." 

"I love you," Ryan says again. 

"I love you too, so much," 

Jon clears his throat, reminding Ryan that there are other people in the room, they break apart and grin at each other. 

"You want to go for a walk?" Ryan asks. Brendon nods eagerly and grabs his coat and scarf. 

"Have fun," Jon says as they're leaving. "Don't get mugged.

The air is cold outside, but it feels refreshing rather than uncomfortable. Ryan reaches for Brendon's hand, and they lace their fingers together. At first it's kind of awkward, both of them glancing at grinning at each other without saying a word.

"Where were you?" Brendon asks. 

"This little town in Idaho," Ryan says. "I was trying for Portland but my car broke down and I didn't really care that much at the time, so I stayed. Didn't Jon tell you anything?" 

"I didn't really want to ask," Brendon says. "Did you like it there?" 

"No," Ryan says. "It was miserable. I had this shitty little apartment above an abandoned store front and it didn't have any heat." Brendon is frowning, his brow furrowed in concern.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"Hey," Ryan says sternly. "You have no reason to apologize to me." There's a brief pause in the conversation as they stroll down the dark sidewalk, they admire the lights strung up on the houses.

"Did you miss me?" Brendon asks.

"Of course I did," Ryan says, letting go of Brendon's hand so he can put his arm around his shoulder and pull him close against his side. Ryan kisses the top of Brendon's head. "Of course I missed you." 

"Did you date anyone?" 

"No," Ryan shakes his head. "I felt like I had some kind of responsibility to you." 

"More than you felt when we're actually together," Brendon says, his tone is joking, but it makes Ryan's chest ache. 

"I'm so sorry for that," he says. "I was a coward. I'm never going to do anything like that to you again." 

"You're not going to try and keep us a secret? You're not going to sleep with other people? Because if we're going to be together again, I want it to be for real this time." 

"No," Ryan says. "I never want to lose you again. I'm never going to lose you again." Brendon stops walking, grins, grabs the front of Ryan's coat, and kisses him hard in the soft glow of the colorful Christmas lights wrapped around a maple tree.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe it's a little early for Christmas themed fics but i don't care


End file.
